Thursday, April 17, 2008
On 50 Things About Women
Got these from the Net. Very interesting...
1. How she tells you she wants you
Experts claim that women use body language to get the ball rolling two thirds of the time. So if you want to know how she feels about you, start watching what she does with her body rather than just watching her body. According to psychologist Monica Moore, Ph.D., these are the top moves women make to show that they want you.
Head: Should be tilted in your direction. A crash helmet is a bad sign.
Eyes: If her pupils are dilating, she’s either riveted by you or in a dark room.
Mouth: Teeth—not smiles—are what count here. The more you can see of her chompers, the happier she is to be with you.
Hair: If she acts like a manic hairstylist—constantly rearranging her locks, lifting them off her neck, flicking them away from her face—she’s interested.
Hands: Busy ones—brushing against your arm, fiddling with her top button, stroking her neck—are excellent signs of lust.
Legs: Crossed isn’t bad—if they’re pointing in your direction. If they’re wrapped around you, why are you reading this?
2. Her number one sexual fantasy is…you.
A study by Harold Leitenberg, Ph.D., and Kris Henning, Ph.D., of the University of Vermont shows that women tend to fantasize about a single partner, usually someone they know, while men daydream about having sex with loads of nameless babes simultaneously.
3. Her body brews its own love potion.
Researchers at the University of Vienna found that when a woman’s fertile, she gives off pheromones that raise your testosterone level and mess up your fox radar, making you want her no matter what she looks like.
4. She’ll outlive you.
Mother Nature is sexist. Women outlive men by about seven years. Epidemiologists put it down to a combo of behavior and biology. Men smoke more, drink more and get murdered more than women, and their hormonal cocktail puts them more at risk for just about every life-threatening disease in the book. (Hmm. Testosterone doesn’t seem like such a bargain anymore.)
5. Aliens adore her.
Out of the 5.1 million Americans who believe they’ve been abducted by extraterrestrials, 75 percent are women, who commonly report tales of gravity-free orgasms, according to research by Elaine Showalter, author of Hystories: Hysterica, Epidemics and Modern Media Culture.
6. She fakes it more than you think.
In a Redbook survey, 62 percent of women admitted to having faked it at least once—and the rest were lying. “Orgasms are temperamental,” says Robin, 29. “Sometimes, you just have to give a guy a gold star for trying.” She’s faking you out if:
There’s no skin burn:
The increased blood flow from orgasm should give her cheeks, neck area and chest a red flush.
Her insides don’t quiver:
Her vagina should contract about a dozen times a second if she’s really experiencing bliss.
Her heartbeat stays normal:
Her ticker should clock in at around 180 beats per minute if it’s the real thing.
Her nostrils don’t flare, and her pupils don’t dilate.
Obviously a tough one to check if her eyes are closed.
She yodels and screeches:
“OH, YES, OHYESYESYESYESYESSSSS!!!” each and every time, or the hip heaving and pelvis pumping lasts for half an hour. You may be good, but nobody’s that good.
7. She can’t park.
Or read maps or tell the police how tall a suspect is. That’s because women are verbal (they think in words), while men are spatial (they think in images). But a woman can look at another woman and tell you her weight to the last ounce, whereas you can never remember directions to her mother’s house. Go figure.
8. She’s worth a fortune.
She can earn up to $50,000 for her eggs. (Sperm is only worth $50 a shot, max.) You’d be donating practically 24–7 trying to keep up.
9. Secret beauty rituals she doesn’t want you to know about:
Gluing one-inch tips onto her badly chewed-up fingernails
Bleaching her mustache
Douching
Waxing her body hair
Filing the calluses off of her feet
10. The secret reason she says no
A recent survey found that the one thing that stops a woman from getting horizontal—more than fear of AIDS, pregnancy, guilt or guys with bad breath—is her conviction that she is just too damned fat or ugly for you to want to see her naked. So cover up the mirrors in the bedroom. (Or start dating better-looking women.)
11. She loves herself.
Around 80 percent of women masturbate—most often when they’re already hooked up in a long-term relationship.
It takes her about three minutes to get off.
She’s creative. Women have reported getting intimate with washing machines during the spin cycle, electric toothbrushes, electric shavers, pillows, running water, appropriately shaped vegetables, candles, hairbrush handles, bottles and tampons—in fact, pretty much everything in the house.
12She’s inflatable.
Her breasts swell up by as much as 25 percent during foreplay.
13. Her skirt controls the state of the economy.
Pick up Vogue if you want to know whether to sell or buy. Back in the ’60s boom, skirts hit their all-time shortest length. Ridiculously long skirts were recorded in 1933 (height of the Great Depression), 1948 (postwar slump) and 1971 (start of the New Recession).
14 The key to her heart is through her big toe.
In reflexology, there’s a direct link between organs of the body and points on the feet. So massage the zones that connect with her pituitary gland (sex central in the brain), ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus. Here’s your step-by-step plan from Andrea Day Huber, a certified reflexologist and massage therapist in Seattle:
1. Spend at least five minutes on each foot. Don’t work too hard—a sensuous touch wins all the points. Get her barefoot and do an overall foot rub first to relax her. 2. Hook your thumb around her big toe and pull down until you feel a “bursting.” Use enough pressure to stimulate but not enough to leave an impression. This will start her hormones cranking (from her pituitary gland). 3. Stimulate her ovaries by massaging the midpoint between her outer heel bone and the bottom of her foot’s inside edge. 4. Next, massage her fallopian tubes by sensually rubbing the crease at the top of her foot. 5. The point corresponding with her uterus lies on the inside ankle between the heel bone and the outside edge of the bottom of the foot. 6. Repeat on other foot until she’s asking you to massage her sex organs, er, directly.
15. Where she’ll be if you need her
If you’re looking for women (and who’s not?), stay away from Alaska. There are eight desperate men for every snow babe. Instead, head for New York (8% more women), Pennsylvania (also 8%), Ohio (7%) or Florida (6%, and not all of them are octogenarians).
16. What constitutes cheating in her book:
Getting flirty with someone else: 38%
Holding hands with someone else: 43%
Having a sexually explicit phone call: 74%
Kissing: 75%
Getting an “around the world” from Swedish triplets: 100%
17. How to tell her you’re cheating
If you do get caught, say it was just sex. According a study by David Buss, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, 83 percent of women interviewed said they’d feel more dissed and pissed if their guy got emotionally involved with another woman than if he just slept with her.
18. There’s a 50 percent chance she’s cheating on you.
Make that 42 percent if she’s British, 38 percent if she’s Italian and 22 percent if she’s Spanish. See? American women beat the rest of the world when it comes to cheating, according to a 1998 Durex international sex survey. The main reason women give for straying: He doesn’t listen to her. The main reason men give: sex.
19. She has to talk after sex.
That's when her oxytocin hormone, which is linked with creativity and intuition, kicks in.
20. She talks even more than you think she does.
The average woman will speak 7,000 words over the course of a day, a man only 2,000. Which explains why she can't handle silence for more than two minutes without turning to you and asking what you're thinking about.
21-25. She's secretly into porn, nice guys and algebra.
Five long-held myths about her…
She loves bad boys:
Maybe when she was 15. But these days she'd prefer a sweet guy, according to Texas A& M study. So act nice.
She needs to hear you say you love her:
Sure, women say that's what they want, but a 1997 Duquesne University study shows that to get her in the sack, you just need to be well-groomed, clean (ears, toes, the works) and funny.
She goes to the bathroom all the time:
Actually you both go about seven times a day. The reason there's always a long line at the ladies' room is that it takes her longer to get undressed (a fact to remember when planning a quickie).
She can't add two plus two:
Actually, women are just as good at math as men. The difference is, they'll have less confidence that they'll get the right answer, according to a 1998 study by the University of Massachusetts.
She's not into porn:
Not only do studies show that she's aroused by naked bodies doing the deed, but out of the 410 million adult videos rented in 1991, half were rented by women or couples.
26. She might kill you
The Second National Family Violence Survey found that women are more violent than men in relationships. Women throw objects, slap, kick, bite, punch, threaten with a knife ro gun and beat their spouses more than men. And she's mor elikely to finish the job than you might think. According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice, 41 percent of spousal murders are men killed by women. Even worse: They get out sooner for doing it.
27. …and here's how.
“Women are more sneaky and cold-blooded in how they go about killing.” says Shawn Adair Johnston, Ph.D., a forensic psychologist in Sacramento, California. “They often wait until the man is defenseless.” Her top four ways of putting you on ice: shooting (in the back), stabbing (in the back—there's a pattern here), poisoning and hiring a killer.
28. She just wants to be sucked.
After the lips, the spot that women most want you to smooch is her neck, says William Crane, author of The Art of Kissing. “Breathe on it, then bite it, then kiss is—it drives 1,000 volts through her spine.”
29. Know her secret love spots
The stuff that Debbie Does Dallas doesn’t teach you:
n The tanzen: The area of her belly halfway between her navel and the Promised Land. Position her on her back, kneel between her legs, and use your thumbs to massage her tanzen with slow, upward strokes.
Behind her knees:
The tender flesh back here is ultrasensitive. Make sure her leg is fully extended, then gently trace a figure eight on the back of the knee joint with your fingertips, the tip of your tongue or any other handy appendage.
“The crease”:
The smooth bit of flesh where the back of her ear meets the skull. Lightly run a finger up and down it while whispering the contents label of a Whitman’s Sampler box in her ear.
30. Her brain’s smaller than yours.
Women’s brains are smaller than men’s by 11 to 12 percent on average. However, this is more a case of the shoe fitting the foot than proof of greater intelligence—men’s whole bodies are bigger.
31. She controls your sports habits.
A study by Street & Smith’s Sports Business Journal and Goldhaber Research Associates shows that if your gal’s also a sports fan you’ll attend 57 percent more games than if she isn’t. But when it comes to TV viewing, it’s a whole other ball game: Men whose wives hate sports watch more TV sports. On average, they watch 10.6 hours of it per week compared with only 7.7 hours for men who are married to avid fans.
32. Five lies she tells you
It’s OK if I don’t come.
I don’t see any bald spot.
I won’t be mad as long as you’re honest.
I want you to go out with your friends.
I don’t want to have children either.
33. She has a Madonna complex.
So many women are concerned about the risk of getting pregnant by immaculate conception that Lloyd’s of London offers a $150 million insurance policy for about $150 a year. (You’d think any hospital expenses would be covered by the checks from Hard Copy.)
35…and Bart Simpson is a woman.
He’s voiced by Nancy Cartwright, seen most recently as a secretary in Godzilla.
36 Where the hell’s the G spot?
It’s a soft bump that can swell to the size of a quarter about one third up the front vaginal wall (that’s one to two inches). Press it lightly until she’s squirming.
37 And what does the G stand for?
No, not “Grrghrrgh!” or “Give it to me.” It’s named after Ernest Grafenberg, the doctor who “discovered” it. Christopher Columbus had nothing on this guy.
38. She’s an ugly drunk.
Smaller body size, less body fluid and less alcohol dehydrogenase (a metabolizing enzyme that helps the body purge booze) mean it takes fewer drinks for a woman to get completely trashed. Women are more sensitive to alcohol, can develop alcohol-related problems like addiction more easily and die younger than men with similar drinking problems.
39. What she really, really wants
In a recent marketing survey, here’s what women said they like to receive as gifts.
“Something useful” (Good: an electric shaver—it’s actually two presents in one; good for hair removal and self-pleasuring. Bad: an iron.)
“Something meaningful” (Good: diamond ring. Bad: your lucky boxers.)
“Something sentimental” (Good: your little black book. Bad: your kindergarten photo.)
“Something that reminds her of you” (Good: your credit card. Bad: your socks.)
“Something you made” (Good: orgasm. Bad: origami.)
40. She loves this crap.
Bridget Jones’ Diary (Viking) by Helen Fielding. You’ll find this sugary trash difficult to swallow, but perseverance will reward you with a frightening insight into the female mind as the heroine obsesses over marriage, cigarette consumption and her monstrously fluctuating poundage. It’s Ally McBeal, only without the eye candy.
41. She's a howler.
Women are 30 percent more sexually active during the full moon.
42. Body fat’s good for her.
Biology dictates that she needs it to produce hormones, periods and big bazookas.
43. What she looks for in a man
Her perfect male, according to studies by researchers in New Mexico:
Slightly above average height
Strong jaw
Broad forehead with prominent brow
Slightly above average pecs
Waist-hip ratio of .9 (waist is 90% of hips)
In case you haven’t figured it out, it is George friggin’ Clooney.
45. What she wants from you
Studies have shown that wealth counts more than looks when she chooses a mate. (Time to hit up the boss for a raise.) Sixty percent of women (vs. 34 percent of men) think about money more than sex.
46. If she tries to kill herself, she’ll probably botch the job.
Although more women than men try to kill themselves, more men than women end up actually dying. That’s because lots of ladies screw it up by opting for poison, which doesn’t always get results. We, on the other hand, are more likely to use an idiotproof method, like shooting ourselves in the mouth after fronting a supersuccessful grunge band.
47. She wants to cuddle.
When Ann Landers asked 90,000 women if they’d rather be held close and forget sex altogether, 72 percent said, “Yup.”
48. She gets erections and ejaculates.
Researchers at the University of South Florida measured 200 women and found that: the clitoris gets erect; the clitoral nerves (the ones that send moan messages to the brain) are four times bigger than those in the penis, so it’s like shooting fish in a barrel; and women can ejaculate from the urethra.
49. The married ones are randier.
Forget about singles having more fun. The average unpaired woman has sex 72 times a year. The average married woman does it 111 times a year (though not necessarily with her other half), according to a National Opinion Research Center study.
50. One out of every 100 women has an extra nipple.
That breast, when it comes time for nursing, gives half ’n’ half. (Just kidding.)
7:43 PM
